Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.