I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.