just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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