I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
