do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
