OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
