I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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