i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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