Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
