i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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