Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
