He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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