I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
