I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
