Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
only you would photoshop your dick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
