How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
True college students do jello shots in the library
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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