i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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