so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
