From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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