smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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