some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
