You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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