Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My dick has a subreddit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
