I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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