tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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