K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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