Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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