but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
