The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
