my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
