She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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