I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
