I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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