Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
