i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
