I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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