so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
