I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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