During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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