im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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