Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude i'm inner monologue high
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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