My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
