he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
