No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
