whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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