What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
