I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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