He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
