i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
