So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
