apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
