I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
