my phone cant type all the emotion im having
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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