I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
