His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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