I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
