Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
