Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
