i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
