i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
