i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
