The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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