I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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