I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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