I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
