i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
