when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
