How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
