A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
