I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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