he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
