I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
