Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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