Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
