Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
